Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Letting Go... from YOUNGBLOOD of INQUIRER.net

Youngblood
Letting go

By Fae Cheska Marie Esperas
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 23:51:00 10/30/2009

Filed Under: death notices, mobile phones

LETTING GO is never an easy task, especially when it concerns a thing
given to you by someone you love. Yet there is always a time when you
have to draw things to a close, and when that point comes, it’s all a
matter of acceptance.

My grandmother had this mobile phone which I wanted pretty badly. I
asked her if she could give me the unit but she told me she was using
it for business. A few days later, I lost my own phone, and she gave
me hers, without second thoughts.

“You can have the one I’m using,” she said, referring to the unit I
wanted. “I can use my old phone instead.”

I was delighted upon hearing her decision. I took the phone, examined
its features and took pictures of myself using its high-resolution
camera. She smiled, but before letting go of the phone she told me:
“Promise me you won’t lose that phone.”

After more than a year, however, I got into a tight financial strait
and had to sell the phone for some cash to tide me over for a few
days. I remembered what she told me and, with that in mind, I tried my
best to get a replacement for that phone, only I couldn’t afford to
buy one of the same model.

Months passed. My grandmother fell ill and her health deteriorated
rapidly. I was then staying far from home, and even though my aunt was
there to take care of her, I knew my grandma needed me by her side. I
just didn’t have enough strength to be with her, as each time I heard
her voice on the phone, a part of me died too.

After a few months, one February morning, my grandmother stepped into
the great beyond. She left us nothing but memories in the form of
pictures, letters and reveries. It took time for me to realize that
she had left, and there were times when I felt that she was still
around.

One summer day, I came across in a department store a cell phone
similar to the one she gave me. I just got my salary that day, and I
immediately bought the phone, thinking, finally, I could hold on to my
grandmother’s “legacy.” The unit was reconditioned but it still worked
quite well, and I did my best to take care of it, promising myself
that I won’t lose it for the “second” time. It was also the time when
I was beginning to accept that she was gone, and that her life and
times would only remain a memory in my heart. A part of me was still
hesitant to face the present though, as there were still things that
reminded me of her.

An accident happened one weekend. I was on a beach-outing with friends
when my phone fell into the water. It got soaked, and the technician
said it was beyond fixing as it already had glitches even prior to the
fall. Surprisingly I wasn’t that affected by the loss of the pictures,
files and other things stored in that phone.

Perhaps it was my grandmother’s way of saying I should start to let go.

Fae Cheska Marie Esperas, 23, lives in Tacloban City.

Posted via email from Everyday little thoughts, whatever comes to my mind!

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